Introducing the DVR Voice

This is my psychic Walter (his pseudonym is the Amazing Siez [pronounced SIGH-ez], but we're on a first name basis because I go to him so much). This is what he told me the other day.

Eight years from now, it will be 2016. Obama will be at the end of his second term in office, and Miley Cyrus will be completing her 2nd stint in rehab. And eight years from now, I'll probably still be complaining about my petty issues with technology.

Comcast has this new technology called the "DVR Voice." Instead of using the faulty remote to control the DVR, every command is by voice recognition. The vision, itself, seems promising, but the execution of the product fails miserably. It mistakes me saying "rewind 20 seconds" for Be My Sloppy Seconds, a new FOX reality show promoting one night stands and promiscuity (apparently, FOX hits an all-time low in ratings in 2016, and they don't fail to disappoint with this charmer).

Another feature with the DVR Voice is the record aspect. I set my series recording for the 7th season of The Wire, which was brought back in 2014 due to a speech during which President Obama mentions it's his favorite show of all time and wishes it would have lasted more than 5 seasons. And ala the Oprah Effect, a flood of letters were sent to HBO demanding for a revival, and it enters its 7th season in 2016. But because its a show brought back to the TV schedule, the DVR Voice doesn't recognize the difference between seasons and therefore, thinks that every season is new. Before the 7th season premiere, HBO spent an entire week recapping seasons 1-6. So, I end up with all 70 some odd number of episodes on my device. This would be great, if the DVR allowed for more memory, and because it's still a fairly new product, the memory space is very limited. Which meant that on the day of the season premiere, I missed it because the DVR didn't have enough memory.

Through all of this, I'm convinced that the DVR Voice is a POS, and throw it out after about 1 month of use.

Walter also said I would be the 4th richest person in the world (behind Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Guy Richie), and he said that I would have a cat named Muffin. Which is ridiculous, right? There's just no possible way, ever, not in my wildest dreams...that I would have a cat, let alone name her Muffin. Maybe Walter was having an off-day. It happens.

The source of all of my problems: Comcast & Al Davis

My relationship with the DVR has had its ups and downs, and for a while there, we were getting along just fine. It played all my shows without any disruption, and I was beginning to think to myself, "Oh no! I'm not going to have anything to write in my blog! Everything's perfect!" But sure enough, the SOB strikes again.

It's kind of the way I'm feeling about the Raiders right now, more specifically, that dinosaur, Al Davis. Last year, it felt like everything was going well. We were headed in the right direction with leadership under a new head coach, and I wasn't getting pissed off at the team for not trying because they were.

But then Al wants to step into the picture this year and disrupt the team with his crazy shennanigans, thereby ruining whatever chance the Raiders had of being successful this season. The Raiders' organization is a dictatorship - free speech is stifled (Al has final word), the media has limited access to the inner workings of the team, and coaches and personnel have restrictions on what they can and cannot do. I mean, does he realize it's 2008, not 1978, and the game has changed? Does he realize he's the reason his beloved baby is in shambles? Does he realize that the fans of the Nation are sick and tired of this bullshit, and we want to be a f*in winning team for once? Stop being a control freak and trying to monopolize the franchise! Ugh! GO AWAY, AL! You need to be fired. You should fire yourself...

Hey, Raider fans, join the fight against TPTB: KeepKiffin.com.

*update as of Tuesday 9/30: Al Davis is a hack. Sorry, Kiff. Good luck, though, and I wish you future success.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, the DVR - back to the topic at hand.

So ignore the whole comparison of Al Davis to my DVR. That's just my crazy "other" frustation that I had to let out. Plus, I don't want the DVR to go away (like Al Davis). I just want a miracle to fix it. And by miracle, I mean Comcast. And by Comcast, I mean enemy number one on the list of things I hate.

For some reason, right now, the DVR does this weird thing when I reach the end of my show. Let's say, I'm watching an hour long episode. It shows up as 1:00 (1 hour) on the DVR duration timer. As I approach the end of the show, around :55 (minutes), I fast forward, usually, to see the previews for next week. During the fast forward, the DVR pauses (not freezes) at :59. I try to rewind because it's gone a little too far (usually, you'd want to stop the fast forward at around :57, or so, for the previews). But instead of rewinding, the DVR just goes back to the beginning of the show (0:00).

Ok, that's not so bad. I figured I possibly hit the rewind button one too many times, and it accidentally went to the start of the show. Fine.

So I fast forward again to get to :57. and the stupid machine does it again. It takes me to the beginning of the show. I did it about 3 times, and every single time it did the same thing. It irritated the heck out of me. Seeing previews for the next episode always gets me excited, and I love to know what I'm looking forward to. But apparently, the DVR doesn't want me to know. What a piece of --

I'm not that mad. It's just this device is supposed to work. Mine doesn't seem to want to.

And you know who I blame it on? Comcast.

Instead of trying to get in good with Google or Yahoo or whatever search engine you're trying to create an agreement with so you can screw your Internet customers, how about you fix your DVR! There are more important things to worry about than making a buck - oh, like, making sure your customers are satisfied with your products. I know the economy is a disaster, and I know everyone is trying to find a way to survive the horrors that our country may possibly face in the next few years, but come on. Sorry, that the $700 billion dollar bailout won't help you some, but you know who it is going to affect? We, the consumers, who pay for your services and products. If we're going to pay the monthly bill, while we are already strapped for cash, for a service and a product that you provide, it should, at the very least, perform at the level you claim it to.

"Now TiVo’s legendary ease of use and unique search features make searching for, recording and watching your favorite shows and movies simple. And finding HD content is easier than ever" - taken from the Comcast website.

You mention the keywords "ease" and "simple" when in reality, nothing is simple or easy about the DVR. Your product makes it difficult to watch a television show interruption-free. There are almost always problems with the DVR, and this is a just another one to add to the long list of annoyances I have with it.

On that note, you greedy, money hungry, execs at Comcast better not be thinking of more ways to screw their customers by making it harder for us to access certain websites on the Internet. The Internet should remain neutral and not owned or controlled by any specific entity. SAVE THE INTERNET!

Kind of like the Raiders. Maybe the Raiders should not be owned or controlled by any one, specific person who has all the power to put restrictions and limitations on the team. Maybe, we, the city, the fans, should step in, and own them like they do in Green Bay. Take a stand! I'm sure we can make better decisions about the team than the old, washed-up cryptkeeper. For my sake, and the sake of the loyal fans of the team and around the league, please: SAVE THE RAIDERS!

Ah, to hell with it. Forget everything I said earlier. The only thing that needs saving is my sanity unlike Al Davis, who lost his 20 years ago.

My DVR still sucks. So does the GOP.

Usually, after a long day (either of school or work or both), I look forward to coming home to catch what's on my DVR. I see the usual -- Days of Our Lives, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Man vs Wild -- but I notice something else. It was listed just simply as: The Republican National Convention.

Oh, great! Why must you (my parents) fill up the memory on this machine with such nonsense?

But before I get to the mighty GOP, let me just vent at the fact that for some reason Comcast decided to do something called an "EAS" at 3:15pm. It stands for Emergency Alert System, but that's besides the point. When they do this, it turns off the DVR entirely, meaning it cuts off the show it was recording. And what was taping during this time? My guiltiest pleasure on television (besides the horrible, fake, phony, stupid, scripted-reality show The Hills): Days of Our Lives. So, while I was watching Sami plead to her lover, EJ, to help her get her daughter back from her ex-husband, Lucas, who had just gotten out of jail, and is now getting cozy with Sami's step-brother's ex-wife, Chloe...the DVR shuts off. Usually, these things only last 2-3 minutes, but for some reason, I missed about 20 minutes of the show. So irritating.

Question: what's an EAS supposed to be anyways? I understand what it means, but what exactly is it supposed to do? I've been alive for 22 years and have been watching television for about 20 of them, and I have yet to see that EAS/EBS put to good use. I'm a television major. I really should know. Whatever. I missed what could have quite possibly been the most important scene EVER on Days. Thanks for nothing, Comcast!

Look, the EAS being put to good use:


So, back to the GOP. I watched Sarah Palin's acceptance speech, and whaddya know? Part of it was cut off by the DVR, but I got a majority of it. Aside from the speech itself, I found myself paying attention to the commentary from television stations after the fact. The one we recorded was from MSNBC, so I believe it was during Hardball with Chris Matthews. There was a little panel discussing her "performance." I was curious to see what Fox was saying about their newest "Superstar Politician" as well, so I heard some of that commentary. I was disgusted...from both stations. Not necessarily because they both were praising Palin, but because of what they were praising her for.

Both were annoyingly particular about the fact that Palin has a way with words and presented herself very well...basically all the intangibles that have created this "buzz" about the new VP nominee. This frustrated me because the primary responsibility of television news is to inform the public. Additional commentary is welcome, but their first responsibility is to reiterate her positions on certain topics that most of the audience would want to know. So, I'm going to do my part. Here's a good link that provides Palin's position on ALL issues.

While I can certainly say she's a very good public speaker, my criticism was her lack of content regarding the issues in focus during this election i.e. Roe v. Wade, Global Warming, Social Security, the War, etc. Three things I can remember from her speech: attacks on Barack Obama, her family, and lipstick. It's unfortunate that I had to look online for all this information. I guess SF State deserves a big Thank You for engraving in me to distrust television news and the importance of using different sources to help find my answers.

I thought Tina Fey's impression was on point, and we even got to hear some of Palin's positions. Albeit, in a humorous way.


Those are just the few of the things I found wrong with the DVR and the GOP/Palin. Gosh, I hope we can fix it soon (oh, and the DVR as well).

This blog will R.I.P. in 2 days (brought over from LiveJournal)

I created another blog. Wow! What a surprise!

I need to learn how to keep these things updated. I guess my life isn’t interesting enough to write about (or should I say “consistently interesting” enough…yeah, that sounds better).

Thankfully, I actually have a reason to create a blog now. And it’s for school – yet another surprise! Whooo! SURPRISES GALORE! I haven’t quite figured out what I want to write about yet. I was thinking something along the lines of “My DVR sucks,” and I just write about how my DVR messes up (i.e. freezes, audio drops, etc.) on me all the time while I’m in the middle of my television show. With that as the main topic, I was hoping to expand it to all technology, like how my cell phone never has service or how my Ipod won’t let me import other people’s libraries anymore. Or how I wish my boss would just follow the masses and purchase a Mac at work so I don’t have to deal with the horrible PC anymore. It’s basically a rant blog, but I feel like it’s the kind of thing that everyone can relate to. Writing is also my release whenever I want to vent, and I think rather than throwing the remote at the television to release my frustration with the DVR (which I have never done, but have contemplated many times before), I can just write in my blog. Think of it as a public anger management/therapy session with the Internet community. Sound good?

something like this...

Other ideas I had revolved around role play. One of the characters I wanted to play was one (or all) of the Gosselin kids from Jon and Kate plus 8; a hypothetical “If one of the sextuplets or twins created a blog, what would they say?” I would base each post off of an episode, assume the role of one of the kids, and type.

this is cute

The URL for this blog is movinlikewhoa basically saying I’m constantly on the move and annoyingly indecisive. Hopefully the new blog will be interesting, pending my decision of the topic – that is, assuming I make a decision.